Most managers don’t realize that the first mistake in giving feedback, begins long before they utter a word. They start with the mindset that they have to do all the heavy lifting in the conversation – explain what isn’t working, tell what should be done, and with all the best of intentions, share their wisdom and the solutions that have worked for them. Can you feel the weight of all that?
The first thing I’ll say is that “carrying” the conversation in this way, takes all the weight or responsibility off of the employee and shifts it onto the manager’s back. You end up feeling the pressure to “get it right” and persuade the employee to follow your lead and the employee doesn’t have to do any of the work. Maybe some employees appreciate that and prefer to ride on your coattails, but in my experience most do not. Employees want to be valued for their contributions and play an active role in the solutions that support their own success.
The mindset shift that changes everything… your job is to lead the conversation, not carry it.
Carrying looks like:
- Doing all the talking
- Explaining the problem in detail
- Offering solutions before the employee has processed the issue
- Trying to manage the employee’s reaction
Leading looks like:
- Asking questions that prompt reflection
- Creating space for the employees to think
- Helping them see the impact of their choices
- Guiding them toward owning the next steps
When you carry the conversation and take on all the work, you aren’t respecting the employee’s competency, insight, or agency. When you LEAD the conversation though, you give them the opportunity to self-assess, own their performance outcomes, and create solutions they are accountable for. The pride of ownership that comes when you empower someone to do the work themselves, is what great leadership delivers.
This is the foundation of REA leadership – deeply embedded in our mindset are the principles of Respect, Empowerment, and Accountability. You can make this mindset shift by simply asking the employee what they think about their performance before offering your own opinion.
So, the next time you want to “give” feedback, DON’T DO IT! Instead, ask the employee for their thoughts about what went well, what didn’t, and what they would do differently, and watch the transformation that takes place. Simply put, you will feel the weight lift off your shoulders, and see the employee engage in a way they might not have in the past.
Try it and let me know how it works!
